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It was during my early teens that I realized I was an introvert. I preferred books over people, thoughts over socialization, solitude over collaboration and reticence over expression. Why did I turn out to be like this? I have tried to answer this question repeatedly over the last 15 years but the answers were always convincing. I posed this question to myself when I was in school, I rationalized it to the bullying I underwent. I posed this question again during my college and I rationalized it to lost love. I posed this question again during my graduation and I rationalized that I would be perceived dumb. In this day and age where perceptions are facts, could I, an introvert, who always though of himself as an intellectually superior human being, be confined to the perceptions of the society? Unfortunately (or fortunately) that’s what I chose.
But, off late, I have come to realize that all the hypotheses are merely rationalizations and I started challenging the perceptions- yes, the very same perceptions that clearly became facts. Am I “wired” differently. Am I really introverted or do I see it as some sort of social awkwardness? Why is this aspect of my personality such a big deal?
I took pride in my introversion. I accepted it. The moment I accepted this trait of my personality, things became much easier. I don’t care much about how I am perceived as a husband, a worker or even a friend. The moment I accepted it, I felt this huge burden off of me. Philosophy helped me during the times of doubt. Be it the Mahabharatha or the teachings of Krishnamurti, I have been able to find peace, atleast concerning this part of my life, attainable.
I don’t know how many of you are even reading this but if you are, do realize that we are a different breed of people. We are not wrapped in a bubble wherein the outer world feels the need to enforce their opinions on us. It is not “Them” vs “Us”. Just like you and I are trying to grapple with the basic facts of life, so is everybody. So, stop giving your attributes too much importance and just let it go. Trust your instincts and express yourself in any way possible. Don’t fret over things which really don’t matter. Try to figure out a way around it.
As Kafka said, “The limited circle is pure.”, just have the confidence that there is nothing wrong with you or the world. We are just who we are. As simple as that.
Solo 